When Life Brought Me Back to What I Had Left Behind

About decisions that seem simple, but have a long journey behind them

Hello, friends,
At ryanpratama.com, I often talk about websites, hosting, design, and the digital ecosystem.

But today, the discussion is a bit heavy.
Because this is about myself.
About something I left behind 11 years, and finally I approached him again at the end 2025.

This writing is not a dramatic or melancholic confession.
Am I getting old, talking about the past like this?
Not an invitation.
It is not a justification either.

It's more like looking back on an easy journey. Why did I start writing again after taking a break since 2014?

And why now, when life is already full of work, freelance jobs, clients, and routines...

Should I go back to what I left behind in order to focus on making a living?

Writing is something I gave up years ago.

Honestly, 2016 was not an easy year.
I had to start working immediately after graduating, busy pursuing skills, building relationships, surviving in the creative industry, moving from job to job, until I built my own business.

Writing, which used to be a space for breathing and self-reflection, slowly disappeared from my life.

It's not because I hate him.
It's not because I feel I don't need it.
I just...

overwhelmed.

When life demands focus, it is often the things that give us our identity that are the first to be sacrificed.
And that happened to me.

Dozens of years passed.
There's more and more work.
The responsibility is getting bigger.
Clients are becoming more diverse.
But every time I pause for a moment, a feeling arises like a soft whisper:

“When was the last time you talked to yourself through writing?”

It feels like there is a small room inside me that has been locked away for a long time, and I have just realized how stuffy it is in there.

When Working Without Writing Makes Life Feel Bland

I have never disliked the creative world.
I love her.
I persevere because I enjoy it.

Creating new things and meeting new people.

But there is a part of me that is not represented by design, coding, photography, or video.
The more personal part.
Quieter.
Be more honest.

Until a moment at the end of 2025, I realized:

• I work constantly, but rarely stop to understand myself.
• I create content for clients, but I hardly ever write for myself.
• I know how to design, photograph, and build websites—but I no longer know how to turn feelings into words.
• Life feels like it's moving forward, but not my feelings.

And it's exhausting in a strange way.
Not physically tired.
But mentally exhausted.

You may have experienced it too:
tired of being a “walking machine” for too long,

not a developing human being.

Writing Is Not About the Content

Writing is not about SEO, keywords, performance, or page views.

Writing is about:

• organize my thoughts and pause for a moment
• giving space to my worries
• appreciating the journey
• fighting forgetfulness
• understanding oneself through written words

And it turns out, I miss that.

Perhaps writing like this will not go viral.
Will not be searched on Google.
It will not generate traffic.

But there is a part of me that can only live through words.
And I had forgotten that part for too long.

When Life Feels Full But Empty

It wasn't one big event that made me start writing again.
There is no tragedy or drama.

What exists is actually something simple:
My life is full, but it feels empty in certain areas.

I work from morning to night.
Many projects are coming in.
Revisions, meetings, deadlines.
Material and career quality of life has improved.

But mentally?

There is a small voice that keeps asking:

• When was the last time you told a story through writing?
• When was the last time you were completely honest?
• When was the last time you wrote not for a client, but for yourself?

And at the end of 2025, I stopped avoiding it.
I sat down.
I open my laptop.
I am writing.

And it feels like... coming home.

When Vacuuming Too Long Makes Us Forget Who We Are

Sometimes, leaving something behind for too long makes us forget that it is an important part of our identity.
I used to write because I needed space to think and AdSense hahaha.
In the beginning, blogs were a place to build communities.,
Now everything has moved to TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube.
Fast-paced and exhausting, no time to rest
Scroll here, scroll there, until you lose track of time
and what is fed is only the eyes and stimuli to the brain, without thinking
Just look at what is being offered
It was funny at first, but eventually became boring.
To ease anxiety.
To understand the direction of my life.

Then I stopped.
Year after year.
Due to being busy.
Because the focus is on survival.
Because I thought I could be fine without writing.

Apparently not.

There are things that cannot be resolved by:

• money
• project
• client
• skill
• experience

There are things that can only be resolved by sitting alone, opening a blank page, and being honest with yourself.

Writing Again Is a Form of Self-Care

For some people, self-care means taking a vacation, doing skincare, going to the gym, or watching movies.

For me, self-care is writing.

Writing reminds me that:

• I am not a robot
• I have the right to quit
• I have a voice
• I can be reflective
• I may be wrong
• I may be confused
• I can be honest

Writing makes me realize that life is not just about getting things done, but also about understanding. why I'm working on it.

Why Now?

Because 2025 makes me rethink a lot.

About careers.
About time.
About life that keeps moving without waiting for us to be ready.

I no longer strive for perfect writing.
I just need some space.
And writing is that space.

The end of 2025 feels like the right moment to return.
Because I don't want to wait until it's too late.

Conclusion

I started writing again not to return to 2014.
Not for nostalgia.
And not to pursue something big.

I write because I need a place to come home to.
A place that doesn't demand anything from me.
A place where I can be honest without having to appear strong.

Writing is no small thing.
Sometimes, this is the quietest way to stay sane.

And if you're reading this, thank you for accompanying me on my first steps after such a long break.